Opinions on my short story? unfinished?

That is truly amazing. I have rarely read anything so descriptive or elegantly written. I am a writer and the work I had so proudly displayed on my good paper can barely compare to this. If you have more, I would love to read that, too. That story is definitely going somewhere, and you should keep writing. One piece of constructive criticism I have is to make sure you don't use the same word, no matter how descriptive, twice near each other. It seemed a little awkward hearing radius twice, but the rest of the story made up for it. Keep writing, and I think you posses more than enough talent for a career in writing. Congrats.